Reflections on Another Hospital Visit

Not too long ago I went on another hospital visit. I'm always so nervous on the way, wondering how ill the patient is, if they'll even want company, if I will be intruding on family members, etc.
After learning this elderly patient had no family there with him, I walked into his room and looking down at him while he was asleep, I knew he was oblivious to my presence.
As I reached out to place my hand on him while saying a prayer over him, he turned his head towards me, looked at me, and then closed his eyes again. I stood there thinking how nervous I was before entering his room and now how difficult it was for me to leave, knowing that once again, he would be alone.
Driving home after my visit I wondered why I hadn't started visiting the hospitalized a long time ago? What took me so long? Why do we sometimes take our time before volunteering to do something so meaningful? But even as I asked myself these questions, I already knew the answer. Nothing is in our time, but in God's time. Even a year ago I wouldn't have been able to do this. God knew that. He knew He needed for me to grow some more. He brought this ministry to my mind several times throughout this last year but understood I wouldn't be able to give 100% of my heart to the patients until I was 100% ready. 
After having seen my own father go through radiation, chemotherapy, and spend a month in the hospital earlier this year, I was able to witness, first hand, the amazing spiritual growth our entire family received through such an experience. Seeing volunteers from another church come in and offer so much kindness and support from their hearts to our family, made me realize my heart was now 100% ready to do the same for others.
I pray God continues to guide all of our hearts, so that we will reach out to others when they're in need. 

My Moving Experience Visiting the Sick

I like to stay active in our parish, giving my time to a ministry that I know I can give my whole heart to. After leading the Middle School Youth Ministry program for six years, I felt it was time for fresh, new ideas. I gave up leading this ministry last year to another member of our parish.

It felt a little strange for me, taking a break, after having this role for six years. I started praying for God to guide me to where I needed to be; what ministry I could give my heart to. It took almost a year before I felt sure of that next ministry.
In May I began my new ministry of visiting the hospitalized and taking Holy Communion to the homebound. On my first visit to the hospital, I visited two patients. I don't know why I thought I would be going to the hospital to visit people who just had gall bladder surgery or something minor, but this was not the case. Since that visit, both of the patients I went to see have passed. I was expecting my heart to feel full after telling each patient how much I planned on praying for them, but learned on that first visit that the feeling of fullness came from not speaking to the patients who felt too ill to visit, but from being a shoulder for the relatives. From listening to a family member say they did not want any visitors, to them deciding to confide a little bit of their fear to me, then proceeding to accept my shoulder...releasing their thoughts, their feelings, and their tears. 
The older I become the more I surprise myself at the things I never imagined I could do. I am pretty emotional and as my husband can attest, I can cry at a beautiful commercial, sentimental greeting card, etc. This worried me during these hospital visits, as I was trying to be strong for the relatives who confided in me, but I soon realized that most people who are very worried or in distress over their loved ones, do not need for you to be strong, they just need you to care. And when you can be that person for them, that is when your heart becomes full. I am not sure what to expect in the future from each of these visits, but one thing I do know is, this is exactly where God wants me to be.